Monday, April 4, 2016

My Baby Sister

I recognize that it has been quite some time since I’ve blogged. I am half sorry for that, but let's face it I will most likely not be getting more consistent anytime soon. I decided to write today because I feel that I have something worth writing for.

I’m in a class called foundations of the restoration (if you are a BYU/Institute student I suggest you take it). This being the last full week of school we’re getting pretty close to the end of the restoration. Over the weekend President Haws (my teacher) had us read Doctrine and Covenants 137, 138 and some associating articles. I feel like it is a very appropriate time to be reminded of these doctrines (Easter/Conference/Karna).

I recognize that a few who stumble onto this blog may not know who Karna is so I’ll explain myself. Karna is my baby sister. She lived four days. I was young when it happened and there aren’t many memories that I can claim as my own. Mostly I remember from pictures and feelings. I have many things to thank her for even though life was short. I have always felt a strong connection towards her. I stand out when it comes to my family. My first grade teacher asked if I was really my father’s child. Apparently not many dark eyed brunettes come from freckled redheads. Anyways my mother often told me that Karna and I looked alike. When I was younger I liked to imagine the things that we would have done together. My favorite pass time was swinging or climbing trees because I felt like I was closer to Heaven when I was in the air.

My mother called me a question box when I was younger, can’t help it I like answers. Many of these questions stemmed back to the gospel. Why wasn’t Karna here? Would I see her again? Was God really there? I have a vivid memory of one night asking these questions and wondering if God could hear my prayer. I was laying in bed trying to have a conversation with Him. I couldn’t have been much more than eight. Anyways I was getting pretty frustrated because I felt like I was talking to a wall. In my final desperation I promised Him I would stop sinning if He would let me know He was there. About a week later I got my answer. I don’t know much but I do know that God is real and that He listened to a little girl’s prayer. He did make me wait for His timing. He has a habit of doing that.

With that background I return to my starting thought, Foundations of the Restoration. In class we were asked how would our view on God and the next life change if we did not know that those who have died can learn about and accept Christ in the spirit world. This question really hit home. My first thought is He wouldn’t be the God I know and love. He wouldn’t be the God that answered a little girl's prayer reassuring her that she would see her sister again. The next was that I was sure I didn’t wanted to be in Heaven without my family. What is Heaven if there isn’t family. For me it would be a life that is eternally unsatisfying. I feel that I have this constant longing to be with my family and for them to be happy. To me when we are all together laughing that is Heaven.

Right now my family is separated. We are all over the place (Ohio, Cambodia, Utah, and Oregon then don’t get me started on extended family). I miss them a great deal, but I have God’s promise that I will be reunited with them and because of that I can handle our good-byes. One of my favorite stories comes from Alma 17 when he was reunited with the sons of Mosiah. Oh the Joy I will feel when my family is reunited. I hope that we can sing with that same Joy, because we have been united by Christ.

I know Karna is doing the work of God. She may be out of reach right now, but because of Temple covenants, and the promise of God (D&C 137:10) I will see her again. Yesterday, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints had their semi-annual general conference. One of the speakers told a story of a family that didn’t understand that they would see their child again. The mother was unable to be comforted, because she feared for her child. She did not yet understand who God is. God is love. He is a Father. He is a listener. He is a friend. He is many more things I could not name them all.

I know that because Jesus Christ suffered for my sins and died on the cross that I will live again. I know that my family will be together forever because of God’s plan. He is my peace and for that my gratitude is beyond expression.

1 comment:

  1. Dearest Esther, Thank you for posting this. I believe all that too! If I didn't it would hurt SO much more when a loved one leaves this life. I know you have a little sister who looks like you waiting to hug you when you leave this life and go on to the next. You two are going to have a lot to talk about and it's probably going to be mostly about missionary work!